Fear of public speaking and Metta

I have a huge ego.

That ego made it impossible to make a speech because I had a deep fear of being ridiculed. I used to imagine the audience mocking and laughing at me. Make a fool out of me. I really do not want to be a clown on that stage.

Naturally, I avoided all opportunity to stand in the limelight throughout my school years.

It was some traumatic childhood memories that was hidden inside and it wasn’t until I practiced meditation that it surfaced from the depth of my mental pool.

Our mind is mostly chaotic and amidst these chaos, we sometime lose sight of who we truly are. More importantly, we forgot how we came to be.

For me, deep meditation had that ability to let these sunken memories surface. That process not only help us understand ourselves better, it also provide the opportunity for us to work on ourselves. Once we understand the cause, it is easier for us to tackle the “problem”.

However, it was the meditation of loving kindness that finally helped me overcome the fear of public speaking.

The same scenario of people laughing at me became an attractive idea when I did loving kindness meditation with the audience as my object of meditation.

Whilst I was terrified of being mocked and laughed at previously, the idea of people laughing at me became a pleasant thought after meditating on loving kindness.

May you all be well and happy.

“I am sincerely happy that you find me a joke. I am happy to become that clown who brought happiness and laughter to your life. May you be well and happy. “

That was the mentality that filled my mind when I took the microphone and made my maiden speech. It was fun. Not so bad.

When you focus on others more than yourselves, you let go of the “I”. Therefore there is a smaller “I”to suffer.

The fear of being laughed at somehow transformed into a pleasant idea after that.

The wonder of Dharma is in the transformation of each and everyone.

May you be well and happy.





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6 replies »

  1. That reminds me of a chapter in the Lotus Flower Sutra, were Buddha was ridiculed and reviled….. and he accepted it gracefully.
    I do relate to your fear of speaking in front of an audience, a life long I successfully avoided it, until a few years ago I was asked to give a little speech at our Buddhist Center, fear was rising up to the roots of my hair…. that bad. As I prepared my speech I felt more confident and the day my friend and I drove up to the temple, she asked me carefully ” Are you nervoes?” and to my surprise I said ” No , I am not all”. Talking about my experiences of my path following Buddha’s teachings and how much I had evolved , made me happy to tell my audience and my speech was fluent, I was able to look up at the audience and I even brought in some laughter.


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