I have a huge ego.
That ego made it impossible to make a speech because I had a deep fear of being ridiculed. I used to imagine the audience mocking and laughing at me. Make a fool out of me. I really do not want to be a clown on that stage.
Naturally, I avoided all opportunity to stand in the limelight throughout my school years.
It was some traumatic childhood memories that was hidden inside and it wasn’t until I practiced meditation that it surfaced from the depth of my mental pool.
Our mind is mostly chaotic and amidst these chaos, we sometime lose sight of who we truly are. More importantly, we forgot how we came to be.
For me, deep meditation had that ability to let these sunken memories surface. That process not only help us understand ourselves better, it also provide the opportunity for us to work on ourselves. Once we understand the cause, it is easier for us to tackle the “problem”.
However, it was the meditation of loving kindness that finally helped me overcome the fear of public speaking.
The same scenario of people laughing at me became an attractive idea when I did loving kindness meditation with the audience as my object of meditation.
Whilst I was terrified of being mocked and laughed at previously, the idea of people laughing at me became a pleasant thought after meditating on loving kindness.
May you all be well and happy.
“I am sincerely happy that you find me a joke. I am happy to become that clown who brought happiness and laughter to your life. May you be well and happy. “
That was the mentality that filled my mind when I took the microphone and made my maiden speech. It was fun. Not so bad.
When you focus on others more than yourselves, you let go of the “I”. Therefore there is a smaller “I”to suffer.
The fear of being laughed at somehow transformed into a pleasant idea after that.
The wonder of Dharma is in the transformation of each and everyone.
May you be well and happy.