Painful break-up

Dear Friend in the Dharma,

I cannot see your face but I feel you.

Breaking up with someone you love is painful. That is suffering in life. The Buddha said, parting with someone we love is painful, we know that. However, like all things in life, that experience of pain is fleeting. Even though the pain is intense, it will pass. I hear you and I feel you.

When he said he wanted to break-up and gave you some reasons for his decision, you felt perhaps you can change. When he displayed an unwavering determination to end the relationship on his face, you became angry. He is not perfect too. You thought, “I should be the one breaking up.” That is your ego creating that anger. It is a normal reaction.

With anger and regret for the break-up, you felt lost. How can we hate and yet long for someone at the same time? That is why we feel lost and we feel pain in the separation, the suffering is intense. I feel your anguish and I know.

You wanted to stop that suffering. You want happiness. That is your mind’s intention. Every being wants happiness and does not want suffering. You have to recognize that is in your mind. It is normal. Once you understand this position, take heed now!

The happiness of being with him, your true love; is bound to disappear one day. Even if you end up marrying him or even if there is no breakup in the relationship. There will come a day when death will set you apart. Life is impermanence. Separation is inevitable in life. Therefore, you are just experiencing something that you will experience sooner or later. The only way to face the suffering of separation is to courageously learn how to let go of him gracefully. Think about the impermanence of life and let him exit your life.

When someone exits your life, you will continue to live. You will meet other people in the future. New people will bring happiness to your life again. If you recall carefully, many people had entered and exit your life. They did not cause you that much pain when they exit because you were not so attached to them. Therefore, do not cling to your boyfriend. Tell yourselves that the karma with him has ended. The pain you feel now is perhaps the same pain that you have caused him in your previous life. Feel glad that you have repaid your karmic debt to this man. May he be well and happy. May ill-fated karma comes to an end. May you let go of him.

You are deserving of love and it will come again in the future. The current ill-fated relationship was just a mistaken one. Due to ignorance, you cannot recall the bad karma in your past lives with him. Now, you have to look forward to what this precious life can offer you in the future. Now is time to chant a Buddhist mantra and dedicate that effort to appease any bad karma you have incurred in your past lives. May all those whom you have wronged in your previous lives be appeased. May they find peace and love. In this manner, you will also find peace and love. The solution is to channel all your mental anguish into your practice. If you wish to find love, you must give love first. Get out in the Sun and smile. Remember to wear a mask though! Just smile even while wearing a mask. Volunteer at a pet shelter or a charitable organization. These are things that you can do, so that true love will enter your life in the future.

Forget about what he said when he broke up with you. It is just a karma from your past catching up with you. Don’t dwell on it because he had no control too. That is the power of karma. Now that you have been hurt, you had repaid what you owed in the past. It is time to move on. Let him go and be assured that happiness will come your way if you stay positive and loving now.

What is past cannot be changed. What you do now will shape your future.

  1. Smile even when you do not feel like it. (Just smile and practice smiling) Smile until you feel happy. Smile now while reading this. Hold that smile. Even when there is no one around. Smile. Smile courageously to yourselves.
  2. Think about others in your life. Wish them well and happy. Think about how you can bring them happiness, may they be well and happy. You may not feel like meeting people you know now. That is all right. You can wish people you love, happiness even when you are not meeting them. Practice until your heart is filled with love for other people. Then you will not mind meeting them. Keep smiling…..
  3. Go out into the Sun and engage yourselves in some activities. Spread some love by smiling.(wear a mask though)
  4. Practice chanting. It is simple. Say “Om Mani Padme Hum”. The wish-fulfilling mantra. Life will become better soon. Remind yourselves, you just cleared a karmic debt. You are free now. So do not be sad. Due to ignorance, you had mistaken a karmic trap as happiness. Now that you are freed, walk out of that mental prison holding you back. Your life will get better. Chant and chant with love in your heart. Chant for yourselves and chant for others. May all beings find peace, happiness, and love too. You can sing the mantra in any tune. You can say it out aloud or repeat it in your mind. You can even cry. Chant until you let go of your painful mind. Happiness will appear after that. (keep smiling)
  5. Visit a Buddhist centre or read a Dharma book. Now is a good time to reflect on Buddha’s message. With this precious life of ours, perhaps it is now time for you to find out what Ultimate and True happiness is? Smile. Now that you are reading up till now. It shows you want happiness. SMILE.

Just five things to do. Stay strong.

May you be well and happy.