“This is a bondage, a baited hook. There’s little happiness here, next to no satisfaction, all the more suffering & pain.” Knowing this, circumspect, wander alone like a rhinoceros.
Shattering fetters, like a fish in the water tearing a net, like a fire not coming back to what’s burnt, wander alone like a rhinoceros.“KHAGGAVISANA SUTTA: A RHINOCEROS” (SN 1.3), TRANSLATED FROM THE PALI BY THANISSARO BHIKKHU. ACCESS TO INSIGHT (BCBS EDITION), 30 NOVEMBER 2013, HTTP://WWW.ACCESSTOINSIGHT.ORG/TIPITAKA/KN/SNP/SNP.1.03.THAN.HTML
Following from the previous post, we learnt that we can feel helpless and frustrated by a relationship if we believe we are stuck in it. From a traditional perspective, walking out on a marriage or any other form of family relationship is taboo. In the past, woman and man suffered tremendously in a failed marriages and were stuck in an unhappy union for life. Divorce was a huge taboo.
In our liberal and modern society today, divorce had become acceptable. The solution of simply walking away solves many problems. Unfortunately, a non-practitioner will walk out of a nasty relationship and walk into another one.
This is because we are unenlightened and lacking in wisdom.
The desire of being wanted by someone is what we call “love”. We mistaken bondage and desire as love and thus, we are baited to another “hook”. We take the bite and we create another bonding relationship. That creates another vicious cycle of craving and desires. Another round of mistaking our spouse or partners as our property. Another round of hoping and expectation. Another round of disappointment and frustration.
In Buddhism, we are taught loving-kindness. That kind of love is different from desires and it is not a baited hook because there is no desire to be wanted. We do not need another person to desire us to feel that we are being loved. We do not need to be a treasured property of another person.
We prefer freedom. In that manner, we do not feel trapped in a relationship. We learn how to manage our relationship and balance it with a dose of detachment.
When we practice and obtain wisdom, we learn to look at situations with a sense of detachment. That will empower us with a new perspective towards life and the people surrounding us. We no longer feel “trapped”. That sense of freedom is liberating. And remember, that doesn’t mean we become an uncaring and nasty person. We become just like a kind and well-mannered tourist visiting this life and passing by. Enjoying the sights and people while touring our life. Isn’t that a more carefree way towards living?
More importantly, we develop detachment towards rebirth and the states of existence. We learn how to exit Samsara, conditioned existence that is unsatisfactory and full of sufferings.
May all be well and happy.
There is some truth in it… as I experienced after being divorced 9 years ago, I was given the gift of the freedom of a practicing Buddhist.
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Thank you very much for sharing your experience with us.