Romance and love – Part 2

Detachment and Loving Someone

Is it possible to love someone with detachment in our mind? It seems like 2 different directions on the compass. Falling in love and being madly in love seems so enticing. Many worldly folks cannot get over it or have enough of it.

In this article, we are not going to tell you to shave your head and live in a monastery.

I think the best motto in life for a lay Buddhist is “To live life in moderation, middle path”

The benefits of introducing some detachment into our love life.

  • Detachment from our own self.

We tend to live this world with ourselves in the centre of consideration. It is always about me, me, me. That make us a terrible lover right? If we expect our lover to bring us happiness in life, we ought to think how we can provide happiness to them too. Start by being less egoistic. Learn to give in and accommodate. In Love, it is not about me but them.

  • Allow some breathing space in the relationship

Remember, our lover is an individual living being. They are not our possession. To love someone does not mean owning them and making them our prisoner. It is healthier to give freedom and space. That way, we can also have some time for our own spiritual development.

  • Acceptance of changes.

Like it or not, everyone is changing everyday, that include ourselves. Likewise, as time passes, what used to be mutual interest may become differences. Once we practice detachment, life together is about constantly looking for new mutual interest and hobby. That way, life still remains interesting. Embrace changes and embark on life’s adventure together.

  • Be less reliant on your partner for happiness in life

We love someone because we believe that they bring us happiness. The problem with this is that our happiness become dependent on our lover. Detachment build strength in us and we learn to be  less reliant on another person for our happiness. Learn to be independent and be happy.

  • Recognising that everything is impermanent is wisdom.

Even if we remain in love throughout this life, we shall separate upon death. Adopting some sense of detachment help us get mentally prepared for the inevitable in life. That is just how thing is. While together, let’s cherish one another.

How to start practicing detachment?

One simple way is to remind ourselves everyday that

  1. our lover does not belong to us and they are not our possession
  2. they change everyday (mentally and physically)
  3. Ultimately, death will part us.
  4. Love is about giving kindness and care.
  5. How shall I love thee today?








My Buddhist name is Ratna Jamyang Puntsog. I first encountered Buddhism in this life when I was 12. Formally took ceremonial refuge in the triple gem when I was 19. I believe the different spiritual methods were taught by Buddha to suit various beings who each have their own unique characteristic. The various sects and practices that arose are just a naming convention invented by disciples out of communication necessity. Had read and studied different forms of Buddhism. Volunteered in Buddhist organization. Until it last, I hope to share my views on Buddhism and find like minded practitioners around the world. May we practice Buddha's instruction together and connect through cyber space!

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