Love on the Path: Yasodharā and the Buddha

Buddhism is often associated with renunciation, yet the life of the Buddha reminds us that awakening does not arise from simply rejecting human experience, but from understanding it deeply. Even the Buddha lived a life that included love, partnership, and devotion.

When the Buddha returned to Kapilavatthu after his awakening, all the courtiers and maids of honour hurried to pay him homage—except Princess Yasodharā, the mother of Rāhula. Calm and dignified, she remained in her chamber, saying that if she had ever rendered any service worthy of respect, the Buddha would come to her himself.

Was she angry with the Buddha? Was she throwing a tantrum? After all, everyone else had gone out to welcome him except her. We will never know what passed through her mind, for the scriptures are silent on this. What is far more interesting, however, is the Buddha’s response.

When we think of enlightenment and the Buddha’s great renunciation, many of us imagine someone who is detached from all feelings, or who no longer cares about people from his past. We might even picture enlightened beings as cold, distant—like stone statues. Yet the Buddha’s actions here defy such misconceptions. Awakening does not make a person heartless.

Upon hearing what Yasodharā had said, the Buddha went to her chamber, accompanied by King Suddhodana and his chief disciples. When Yasodharā entered his presence, she paid homage not with words, but with deep emotion and reverence—holding the Buddha’s feet, bowing again and again, expressing a love rooted not in possession, but in profound respect.

King Suddhodana then spoke of her quiet devotion. From the moment she learned that the Buddha had adopted a life of simplicity, she mirrored it herself—wearing dyed clothes, eating only one meal a day, sleeping on a simple bed of ropes, and giving up ornaments and fragrances. Though many princes later sought her hand, she remained unwavering in dignity and loyalty.

The Buddha replied that such devotion was not accidental. Yasodharā’s faithfulness and strength were the fruits of wisdom cultivated over many lifetimes. He then recounted a story from a past existence—the tale of Canda-Kinnarī—showing that her love and integrity had been refined and matured across countless lives.

This story offers an important reassurance to lay Buddhists today. The Buddha himself experienced romance, partnership, and family life. His journey toward enlightenment unfolded over innumerable lifetimes, shaped by different roles, responsibilities, and circumstances. While renunciation is admirable, it is not the only meaningful way to live in accordance with the Dhamma.

For laypeople, romance and love are not shameful, nor should they be regarded as sinful or embarrassing. The Buddha himself taught the importance of cherishing one’s family, as expressed in the Maṅgala Sutta. Our family life, in fact, is one of the richest fields for cultivating loving-kindness, compassion, patience, generosity, and understanding.

Not everyone is ready to become a monastic in this lifetime—and that is not a failure. What matters is honesty with ourselves, and living in alignment with the Buddha’s teachings within the life we are actually living. Love, when grounded in integrity, kindness, and wisdom, does not obstruct the path—it supports it.

A layperson’s life can be deeply meaningful and spiritually fruitful. The journey to liberation is not uniform; it unfolds according to each person’s readiness, conditions, and accumulated wisdom.

The story of Yasodharā reminds us that the Dhamma does not reject love—it refines it. And wherever we are on the path, that is exactly where practice begins.

Reflection Points for a Buddhist Study Group

Enlightenment and Emotional Capacity

• The Buddha responded to Yasodharā with sensitivity and presence rather than detachment.
• What does this reveal about the nature of enlightenment?
• How does this challenge the idea that spiritual maturity requires emotional coldness?

Different Paths, Different Readiness

• The Buddha’s awakening unfolded over many lifetimes and roles.
• How does this story help us be more honest and gentle with ourselves about our own readiness?
• In what ways might comparison with monastics create unnecessary guilt for lay practitioners?

May all be well and happy.