Now this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is this craving which leads to renewed existence, accompanied by delight and lust, seeking delight here and there; that is, craving for sensual pleasures, craving for existence, craving for extermination.

While the first Noble Truth defines Dukkha, the second Noble Truth declares the cause of Dukkha as craving. Craving is a lust, greed, desire and longing that seeks delight. In other words it is that tendencies to chase after the pleasurables.

Let’s start with something simple by examining craving in the light of Dukkha from daily experiences.

Encountering the unpleasant is Dukkha.

Sarah dreads Monday mornings—traffic jams with aggressive drivers, and looming deadlines create a sense of urgency in her mind. Many of us encounter this experience of unsatisfactoriness. Sarah’s anxiety about Monday mornings perfectly exemplifies this Dukkha. Being stuck in traffic makes she feel utterly depleted. Her suffering arises from her craving for a different reality—a smooth and easy commute.

To alleviate this irritation, Sarah needs to shift her perspective and learn to embrace the situation rather than resist it. For instance, consider another person who uses traffic jams as an opportunity to learn a new language through audio lessons. In that way, the traffic jam becomes a personal learning experience rather than a frustrating obstacle.

But does this mean passively accepting all negativities in life? Absolutely not. Sarah could explore alternative routes, public transportation, or even carpooling. However, if a traffic jam is unavoidable, managing unrealistic expectations is crucial for a positive start to the week. There’s no benefit in craving an impossible ideal and creating unnecessary stress for ourselves. This tension not only leaves us feeling depleted before the workday even begins but can also negatively impact our relationships with colleagues.

Losing what is pleasant and desirable is Dukkha.

Mark and Lisa have been together for five years, and when Lisa moves abroad for work, Mark is heartbroken. The pain of missing her, the uncertainty of the relationship, and the feeling of emptiness all contribute to his suffering—this is Dukkha.

Mark’s anguish stems from the separation from Lisa; the more he misses her, the deeper his suffering becomes. As a result, some individuals in Mark’s position might even consider ending the relationship, as the emotional pain can feel overwhelming.

Does this mean Mark should simply stop loving Lisa to be freed of dukkha?

No, absolutely not. When Mark misses Lisa, he is suffering from his craving for her presence. This craving is distinct from love; true love involves wishing for the other person’s happiness and supporting their aspirations. In which case, Mark’s love for Lisa should manifest as encouragement for her to pursue her dream career advancement.

Instead of fixating solely on his longing for Lisa’s physical presence, Mark can leverage modern technology to arrange video calls. He can also plan visits during vacations to maintain their connection. More importantly, he should engage in open discussions with Lisa about their long-distance relationship, honestly addressing how they can make it work.

If Mark focuses solely on his cravings, he may unwittingly blame Lisa for prioritizing her career over their relationship, which is a selfish perspective that centers only on his own feelings.

In summary, it’s crucial to distinguish between love and craving. While craving for physical presence can be a significant source of Dukkha for Mark, finding ways to lessen that craving will help alleviate his suffering. By embracing a supportive and understanding approach, he can navigate the challenges of their long-distance relationship with greater resilience and compassion.

Not Getting What One Wants is Dukkha.

Aisha worked tirelessly for a promotion, but when the announcement is made, she finds that it’s not her. The disappointment, the sense of unfulfilled effort, and the nagging “what if?”—these feelings encapsulate Dukkha. Aisha’s suffering arises from her craving for a promotion that eludes her. This disappointment can lead to feeling unappreciated by her superiors, causing her to view her hard work as wasted. Ultimately, it may even foster aversion toward her workplace and colleagues. To alleviate her hurt, Aisha must learn to let go of that craving.

But does this mean Aisha should simply give up on her ambitions and stop working hard?

Not at all. Letting go of craving doesn’t equate to complacency or pessimism about life. Conversely, negative emotions can turn the workplace into a source of distress, making it feel like a burden rather than a fulfilling endeavor. Craving is an intense desire for something, and when that desire goes unfulfilled, it can lead to anguish and other negative mental states, which are detrimental to her well-being.

In Aisha’s case, she needs to calmly accept her situation and move forward. Craving a missed opportunity will not serve her; it will only lead to distress and confusion. Thoughts like “What did I do wrong?” “Does my boss dislike me?” and “Am I being discriminated against?” may arise from her uncertainty regarding the promotion.

It’s far more constructive for Aisha to seek the real reasons behind her missed opportunity. Understanding the feedback can help her identify areas for improvement. Additionally, she should communicate her aspirations clearly to her boss, discussing her desire for a promotion. This honest dialogue can lead to a better understanding of her goals and how they align with the company’s needs.

Moreover, Aisha should reflect on why she desires the promotion. Is it a disguised craving for power or an aspiration to lead? Is it driven by the desire for better compensation? Or could it stem from a misplaced sense of entitlement, thinking her years of service automatically qualify her for advancement?

In summary, it’s essential for Aisha to gain self-awareness and clarify her true aspirations. By effectively communicating these goals to her superiors, she can foster a more engaging and supportive work environment. This approach allows her to channel her energy into constructive efforts toward her aspirations, rather than feeling defeated by her current situation.

As demonstrated by these examples, craving is also nuanced, and the Dukkha that results from it can range from a mild irritation to an excruciating emotional experience.

Recognizing that the Dukkha we encounter stems from our cravings opens the door to the possibility of reducing our suffering by managing those cravings in our minds. Many people pursue external, fleeting pleasures as a means to escape their present Dukkha. For instance, Aisha might consider quitting her job in search of better opportunities. While this decision isn’t inherently wrong, it may prevent her from learning valuable lessons about self-improvement. Consequently, she could find herself stagnant, regardless of where she works.

Additionally, people sometimes confuse their cravings with other emotions and qualities. For example, Mark might misinterpret his craving for Lisa’s presence as love. When such confusion occurs, the idea of relinquishing craving can seem illogical or even wrong. Therefore, it is essential for us to truly understand what craving entails. By lowering our cravings, we can cultivate a deeper sense of contentment and happiness.

We shall dive deeper into the second Noble Truth in the next chapter.

May all be well and happy