You are going through your daily activities and suddenly you come across something that was left unattended or “out of place”. For example, someone did not flush the toilet after use. One of the boys had left urine droplets stains on the side of the toilet bowl. Someone forgot to switch off the lights or electrical appliances. Such household lapses that make your mind goes, “ who did it?” This is usually coupled with some degree of annoyance. Then our mind would craftily suggest a culprit. That face we wish to blame would pop up in our minds immediately. Right?
Some of us deal with it by catching the culprit and making them rectify their mistake. Others would reprimand the errant one. What happens when everyone denies being the culprit? The annoyance in our minds goes up a notch higher, right?
Besides our home, “out of place” or “erroneous” situations also happen around our neighborhood, workplace, public transport, etc. How does your mind react? Do you have that irritation and subconscious attitude of “Who did that?” mind, like me?
When we try to find someone to blame, we will discover the ugly side of our judgemental minds. This is especially serious when we are looking at “out of place” situations outside our homes. For example, when we see some rubbish on the streets in Singapore, most are quick to assume that it must be the new emigrants from a particular country.
Blame is aversion
When we have too many tendencies to blame, we become grouchy and judgmental. Our minds become “hot” and burning with aversion. Over a period of time, it shows on our faces and we get a grumpy look.
While it is important that we do the right things and uphold a certain code of conduct ourselves, aversion in our minds doesn’t really help to improve a bad situation. It only makes it worse.
Therefore, we need to understand that aversion can be optional. Instead of thinking “Who did it?”, we can simply focus on “Who needs my help?” If we look upon “out of place” situations as an opportunity to help, then we will just be focused on helping to improve the situations.
If it is at home, then we would be helping to improve our family life, and if we are more big-hearted, then it is about helping the community.
I am not saying that we refrain from teaching our kids the right values and focus on simply picking up their messes. But when we stop our mind from aversion and blaming, we think from a compassionate angle. In that manner, we would find compassionate ways to teach our family members how to be more responsible. After all, education is also a form of helping. But we try to communicate in a more rational and cordial manner.
I discover a new perspective when I stop my mind from going “Who did it?” at home. Hopefully, you’ll experience the same too.
May all be well and happy.