The following story was shared by Ajahn Sumedho:

Years ago, I became very confused when I found out that one of our American Buddhist nuns had left our community and become a born-again Christian. I had just said to another nun, ‘She’s really wonderful. She’s so wise, so pure-hearted. She’ll be a great inspiration to you in your nun’s life.’

I was really embarrassed and confused when I heard the news. I thought, ‘How could she fall for it?’

I remember asking my teacher, Ajahn Chah, ‘How could she do that?’ He looked at me with a mischievous smile and said, ‘Maybe she’s right.’

He made me look at what I was doing – feeling defensive and paranoid, wanting a clear explanation, wanting to understand, wanting him to tell me that she’d betrayed the Buddhist religion.

So I started looking at the confusion. When I began to embrace it and totally accept it, it dropped away.

— Excerpt From The Anthology Volume 4 by Ajahn Sumedho

I can relate to this story very well, and it mirrors how I view the news of fellow Buddhists choosing to walk a different spiritual path.

At a fundamental level, someone else’s spiritual transition does not hinder our own practice. To use a classic Buddhist analogy, liberation from samsara is like escaping a burning house. If you know the exit route and are actively making your way out, it ultimately doesn’t derail your escape if your companion decides to turn back or seek safety elsewhere—provided you don’t let their choice distract you from your own path.

When others choose a different direction, we can certainly share our perspective if they are open to a conversation, but we must ultimately respect their autonomy. The path of awakening is an intensely personal journey; no one can walk it on our behalf, just as we cannot walk it for others.

Often, the distress we feel when people leave Buddhism stems from attaching our identity to the external forms of the religion—the culture, statues, temples, and institutional numbers. When we view “Buddhism” as an extension of our own identity, any decline in numbers feels like a personal loss or a threat to our group ego. We begin to worry about dwindling youth participation, changing demographics, or public perception, which can pull our focus away from what truly matters.

To test where our true foundation lies, we can ask ourselves a simple question: If every temple, statue, and monastic institution disappeared tomorrow, could we still practice wisdom, loving-kindness, compassion, and mindfulness?

The answer is yes. Real Buddhism is the practical application of the Buddha’s teachings, and those teachings ultimately live and breathe within the minds of sentient beings.

When we practice what the Buddha taught in our daily lives, we naturally keep the true spirit of the tradition alive, effectively contributing a genuine “headcount” to Buddhism from the inside out. At a personal level, that cultivation is what truly matters. When we center our practice on the living Dharma within our own minds rather than the external preservation of an institution, news of others leaving loses its power to destabilize us. Instead of reacting with anxiety or defensiveness, we can wish them well on their journey while returning our full attention to our own.

May all be well and happy.