Buddha’s family

Many remember the Buddha’s miracles to subdue the pride of his relatives when he returned to Kapilavattu after enlightenment. For laypeople, it is also good for us to ponder his interactions with family.

Let’s briefly revisit the first two days:

On the first day, the Buddha demonstrated his spiritual mastery by performing miracles and recounting his past perfections in numerous past lives to show he was no ordinary man.

On the second day, he begged alms in the city streets, publicly renouncing his royal lineage. That shocked his father, King Suddhodana, into the first stage of enlightenment. Later, a sermon at the palace led the king to the second stage and Queen MahaPrajapati to the first stage of awakening.

Now we come to the third day.

Having finally released the hope of Siddhartha returning to royal life, King Suddhodana crowned his second son, Nanda, as the new crown prince on the morning of day 3. Nanda and the Buddha shared the same biological father (King Suddhodana). Nanda’s mother was Queen MahaPrajapati (Buddha’s step-mother and maternal aunt)

It is interesting to note that King Suddhodana did not announce a new crown prince after Prince Siddhartha left the palace. He only made Nanda the new crown prince after what happened at the marketplace on day 2.

That day, after receiving alms and giving a short discourse in the palace, the Buddha deliberately handed his alms bowl to Prince Nanda and walked toward the monastery. Nanda, awestruck by his brother’s spiritual power, felt unable to refuse or speak up. Holding the bowl, he followed reluctantly—hoping at each step the Buddha would take it back.

As they left, Nanda’s newly wedded wife, Princess Janapadakalyāṇī, rushed out pleading, “Your Highness, come back quickly.” Her words weighed heavily on him, yet still he followed.

At the monastery, the Buddha asked if Nanda wished to be ordained. Out of reverence and fear, Nanda agreed. Thus, the crown prince of the morning became a monk by afternoon.

Imagine King Suddhodana’s position: he had just let go of one son, only to learn the new heir had also entered monastic life. As a ruler in a kingdom where power was contested among nobles, the pressure was immense. Greed, pride, and ambition simmered around him.

Yet, having attained the second stage of enlightenment, the king did not react with anger or despair. He accepted the news calmly. After all, there is still Prince Rahula (his grandson)

And what of Nanda? Here was a young man, newly married, who held his elder brother in profound esteem. He had witnessed the Buddha’s miracles, seen his own father bow before him, and beheld the Buddha’s thousands of disciples, including nobles and respected teachers. To him, the Buddha’s invitation must have felt like a sacred command.

But if the Buddha was all-knowing, did he not see Nanda’s reluctance? Was he insensitive to his father’s duties or Nanda’s new marriage?

To understand, we must remember the Buddha taught only those ready to awaken. In his eyes, all unenlightened beings are in a burning prison of cyclical suffering. The highest priority is to help those nearest the exit find freedom.

From this perspective, securing a crown prince or returning to a wife is like rushing back into flames just to save a photo album—understandable, yet ultimately insignificant compared to liberation.

Thus, the Buddha’s actions were not meant to dismantle a family, but to offer freedom from suffering—even when it meant guiding loved ones toward a path they had not chosen for themselves.

IFor King Suddhodana and Prince Nanda, their pivotal positions were not coincidental. They had accumulated vast merits and good karma across lifetimes, placing them at the very threshold of Nirvana. Yet, like most beings, they were unaware of their own spiritual proximity. Immersed in royal duties, personal attachments, and worldly identities, they needed the Buddha’s decisive guidance to recognize and step into their highest potential.

In their quiet drama, we see the profound tension between worldly duty and transcendent purpose—a reminder that awakening often asks us to release what we cling to, even when everything in us wishes to hold on. The Buddha’s role was not to fulfill their worldly expectations, but to illuminate the path they were already karmically prepared to walk, inviting them from the comfort of the palace into the liberation beyond.

Reflection Points for a Buddhist Study Group

Skillful Means & Compassionate Tough Love

This story presents the Buddha not just as a gentle teacher, but as a transformative force who used direct—and sometimes jarring—methods. These questions explore the profound intersection of ultimate compassion and skillful means.

Wisdom and Humility in Practice: While the Buddha’s actions were ultimately liberating, it is vital to note that we should not recklessly copy them. We lack his perfect wisdom, insight into karma, and ability to see others’ readiness. How then do we apply the principle of “skillful means” in our own lives without overstepping? What safeguards of humility, consultation, and ethical reflection should we employ?

On Spiritual Readiness: The text states, “The Buddha only taught those who were ready.” What does “readiness” look or feel like? Is it always a conscious, willing desire for the Dharma, or can it be a latent potential or fortunate karma, as seemed to be the case with Nanda? How might a spiritual teacher or friend today discern this readiness in another?

The Paradox of Compassion: The Buddha’s methods here—the “bait-and-switch” with the alms bowl and the public renunciation before his father—can appear manipulative or harsh. How do we reconcile such actions with the ideal of boundless compassion (karuna)? Can true compassion sometimes require steps that seem uncompassionate on the surface? Discuss the difference between being nice and being compassionate from a Buddhist perspective.

May all be well and happy.