There is a story preserved in early Buddhist tradition that is often mentioned briefly and then left behind, overshadowed by the greatness of the two disciples it introduces.

Before Sāriputta (Upatissa) and Moggallāna (Kolita) became two of the Buddha’s most prominent arahants, they were disciples of Sañjaya Belaṭṭhaputta — a respected ascetic and teacher in the spiritual landscape of ancient India. Sañjaya was no ordinary wanderer; he had a large following. Many regarded him as wise, authoritative, and even enlightened.

But everything changed when Sāriputta and Moggallāna encountered one of the Buddha’s earliest disciples, the monk Assaji. Upon hearing a brief teaching — just a few sentences summarising the four Noble Truths — their hearts awakened. They recognised something profound: a truth deeper than what they had previously encountered.

When they expressed the intention to join the Buddha, something extraordinary happened: 1,000 of Sañjaya’s disciples chose to follow them.

Sañjaya watched almost his entire community walk away. According to the texts, the shock and sorrow were so great that he coughed blood.

It’s a brief line in the ancient narrative — but for many modern readers, Buddhist or otherwise, it carries emotional weight.

We may ask:

• Was it compassionate to leave him?
• Should disciples remain loyal to a teacher who has guided them?
• Is pursuing truth worth breaking bonds of loyalty and gratitude?

The story invites us into an ethical reflection that extends beyond religion — into family, work, identity, and personal growth.

Gratitude vs. Growth: A Moral Paradox

Human relationships are built on loyalty. Someone who teaches us, feeds us, protects us, or cares for us naturally becomes a person to whom we feel indebted. Gratitude is a noble human instinct — and in Buddhism, kataññu (gratitude) is explicitly praised as a profound virtue. (Kataññu Suttas: Gratitude)

But there is another truth alongside it:
spiritual growth is deeply personal and cannot be forced, inherited, or delayed out of obligation.

At some point in life — whether spiritually, emotionally, or professionally — a person may face a crossroads:

• Stay where it is safe and familiar,
• Or step into uncertainty for the sake of truth, growth, or authenticity.

Sāriputta and Moggallāna chose the second path. And if we are in the position of an elder, or a parent, should we stop them simply because we want to keep them by our side?

Was Leaving Sañjaya a Betrayal?

From one perspective, it seems harsh: a teacher abandoned, a community dissolved, and loyalty set aside.

Yet from another angle, the disciples were not rejecting Sañjaya as a person — they were stepping toward a path that aligned with their deepest understanding. Their departure wasn’t rooted in spite, anger, or rebellion.
It was rooted in awakening. In fact, they invited Sanjaya to join them.

What wounded Sañjaya was not simply loss — it was also pride, identity, and the fear of irrelevance. Had he joined the Buddha, the story might have become one of humility and renewal. But he clung to his position — and the clinging, not the departure, was the source of suffering.

He was quoted as saying, “In this world, the unwise are many and the wise are few. The wise will go to the ascetic Gotama. The unwise will stay with me.”

The Parent Analogy: Must We Adopt the Beliefs We Inherit?

Extend the story into modern life. Many people are born into religious traditions — Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist. Family identity becomes intertwined with belief. To walk a different path may feel like betrayal or disrespect.

But belief is not a family heirloom. Wisdom must be lived, not merely inherited. A compassionate approach might sound like:

“I honor the love and foundation I received,
but I must walk the path that resonates with truth in my heart.”

Gratitude does not require conformity — it requires compassion. When our personal understanding evolves and we no longer share the faith that shaped our early identity, it does not erase the love, effort, or guidance we received from those who nurtured us. Instead of trying to persuade or pressure our parents to change their beliefs, we can honour their journey while walking our own. Respect means allowing others to remain authentically themselves, even as we seek a path that feels true to us. In this way, we carry gratitude not by agreement, but by gentleness, patience, and acceptance.

The Workplace Analogy: Leaving a Mentor or Organization

In work life, similar dilemmas appear. A mentor trains us, supports us, and helps us grow. Later, we might choose to start our own venture or move on. Is the departure disloyal? It depends.

If one leaves with respect, integrity, and acknowledgment, then the transition reflects maturity. Success built upon what was learned becomes the greatest gratitude.

If one leaves with hostility, exploitation, or betrayal, then the departure becomes harmful.

So loyalty is not measured by staying — but by the manner in which one walks away.

Are Religious and Secular Situations Different?

Yes — spiritually, beliefs shape identity, meaning, destiny, and worldview. Leaving a religion affects not just external circumstances but internal selfhood and familial belonging.

Yet the underlying principle remains constant:

One must be free to pursue truth.

Whether spiritual or secular, paths evolve — and sometimes, moving forward requires letting go.

A Story of the Inner Journey

Perhaps the real drama of Sañjaya’s story is not the disciples leaving him — but the moment he stood at a crossroads:

• Cling to identity or step into humility
• Guard status or embrace truth

Sāriputta and Moggallāna walked toward awakening.
Sañjaya remained where he was — not because the path was closed, but because he could not yet cross the threshold.

In every stage of life, we encounter this question:

Do I stay because it is comfortable — or do I move because it is true?

Loyalty has value. Gratitude has beauty. But both become prisons if they prevent growth, wisdom, or liberation. I don’t think we should be held hostage by them.

So perhaps the lesson is this:

• Honor your teachers.
• Respect your roots.
• Express gratitude for all who helped you walk —

But do not fear stepping into the path your heart knows is true.

Because sometimes, the greatest tribute to those who taught us…
is to become who we were meant to be.

May all be well and happy.