Is Marriage Considered “Dirty” or “Lesser” in Buddhism?

Is this even a worthy question? After all, the Buddha himself renounced his marriage to seek ultimate happiness for all beings. Later, both his wife, Yasodhara, and his son, Rahula, also joined the monastic order.

Because of this story, I used to associate marriage with spiritual failure. In my mind, only those who weren’t serious about Buddhism would get married, remain in worldly life, and miss the opportunity to become a monk or nun.

But this way of thinking created a deep conflict within me. On one hand, I wasn’t a monk. On the other hand, my ego didn’t like the idea of being “lesser.” So I tried to act holy around my Buddhist friends, putting on the airs of a monk or lama. Deep down, though, I carried a quiet shame for being a layperson.

And when it came to romance? Forget it. “Lovey-dovey” Buddhist songs or literature felt out of place—almost like romance was a sin in the Buddhist context.

But here’s the thing: Buddhism isn’t about hiding our hearts.

The Samajivina Sutta

There is a beautiful teaching that often goes unnoticed: the Samajivina Sutta. In this discourse, an elderly couple approached the Buddha, openly professing their love for each other. They asked how they might remain together, not only in this life but also in future lives.

Now, you might expect the Buddha to scold them—reminding them that desire is the root of samsara, or that craving only leads to rebirth. That’s certainly what a stern monk might say.

But the Buddha didn’t respond that way. He didn’t shame them. Instead, he compassionately taught them how to live harmoniously, practice together, and align their merits so they might indeed share lifetimes to come.

This sutta reveals something profound: Buddhism does not erase our humanity. It invites honesty. If love and companionship are what we truly desire, we can acknowledge that without guilt or pretense.

Romance Has Always Been Part of the Path

We often forget that Prince Siddhartha himself shared many lifetimes with Yasodhara before his enlightenment. Romance, marriage, and partnership have always existed in the Buddhist story—not as obstacles, but as experiences within the broader journey of samsara and liberation.

So why should romance have no place in Buddhism? Why should we feel guilty for desiring love?

The truth is, we don’t need to. If marriage or romance is where we are right now, then let’s be honest about it, without shame. One day, like the Buddha, we may outgrow those desires—but that day doesn’t need to be forced.

A Buddhist Wedding Song

It’s with this spirit that I decided to write a Buddhist wedding song. I thought of the young students who used to attend my Sunday sharing sessions over a decade ago. Many of you must be in your twenties and thirties now, perhaps starting families of your own.

If you’re planning a Buddhist wedding and searching for a meaningful song to dance to, may this offering bring you joy, romance, and blessings for as long as you desire.

The song is called “Samajivina Wedding” and will be available on Spotify and iTunes soon. (under the artist Bodhi-bowl) Meanwhile, it’s still awaiting publication, but in about two weeks, it should be out. I look forward to sharing it with you then.

lyrics

[Verse 1]

When I look into your eyes,
The noise of the world fades away.
Every step has led me here,
To this moment, to today.
Now we begin, a life as one,
You’re my home, my rising sun.
Our journey starts right here,
Sa Ma ji vi na.

[Pre-Chorus]

These vows are more than words we say,
They’re the love that guides our way.

[Chorus]

Through every mountain we will climb,
Through the easy and the trying times,
You’re the reason my heart believes, my one and only.
Sah Mah ji vi na, Sah Mah ji vi na.

[Verse 2]

We’ll share the quiet, simple days,
And chase the dreams that light our way.
With every touch, with every glance,
Our hearts will sing, our souls will dance.

[Pre-Chorus]

In your arms, the world feels right,
Your love will guide me through the night.

[Chorus]

Through every mountain we will climb,
Through the easy and the trying times,
You’re the reason my heart believes, my one and only.
Sa Ma ji vi na, Sa Ma ji vi na.

[Bridge]

Forever’s not a fragile word,
It’s the truest song I’ve ever heard.
Your love’s the compass leading me home,
With you, I’ll never be alone.

[Outro]

Through the mountains we will climb,
Through all the beautiful, trying times,
You are my life, my everything, my complete.
Sa Ma ji vi na, Sa Ma ji vi na…
(echo, fading)

May all be well and happy.