Like Yassa, my younger self was also afflicted by a strong sense of hopelessness. This feeling of despair arose when I was forced to face the harsh realities of life. I realized life wasn’t a bed of roses, and I had to grow up and become an adult. Seeing the struggles of my poor parents, their constant arguments, and their frustration, didn’t look like fun at all.

Back then, everyone kept telling me that the way to happiness was to study hard. But I hated the books and exams. I wanted to play forever and also wanted to become an adult who could make his own decisions about life. Such a conflict! Then, a relative died, and being the emo kid, it hit me hard as I sat in the wake and witnessed everyone crying. What was the purpose of studying so hard if you could die tomorrow?

That episode left me feeling cold inside. I recall it was a very depressive feeling. Going through my usual routine but silently feeling hopeless and cold inside. Fortunately, I was also beginning to read Dharma books and attend Buddhist sermons. I guess someone in the audience must have encountered a similar feeling because one day, someone asked the monk about suicide.

The silence that followed was deafening. Everyone sat up to listen to what the wise monk had to say.

And he said: “If you can give up your life and are really unafraid of letting go of your family, life, everything… then why don’t you join me and become a monk? That is the correct way to let go of your existing life because if you commit suicide, you will only be reborn again. That will not solve your problem.”

Someone in the audience laughed nervously, and everyone followed. It was a short piece of advice, but it found a place in my heart, and my teenage years were filled with a newfound purpose and goal. It kept me going.

May all be well and happy.