After Upaka left, Buddha continued his journey to the Deer Park in Varanasi and arrived on the evening of a full moon night. The soft golden glow of the setting sun illuminating everything, and the temperature was starting to cool. From a distance, he spotted the five familiar figures. 

Do you remember the 5 ascetics?

These were Siddhartha’s five companions after he left the palace. They had either heard firsthand or through others that Siddhartha was prophesied to be the Buddha. Inspired by this vision, they devoted themselves to waiting for him to grow up and fulfill that destiny—a commitment that lasted 29 years.

After Siddhartha renounced his royal life to become a Sramana, these five companions sought him out and followed him closely on his quest for the Ultimate Truth. For six years, they served him with unwavering devotion, admiring his fierce determination as he undertook extreme ascetic practices, convinced he was on the brink of Nirvana. So, imagine their shock when, one day, Siddhartha decided to break his fast! They had devoted 35 years of their lives waiting for him to become a Buddha, only to feel that their hopes had suddenly been shattered.

To the Five Ascetics, it felt like a betrayal—a collapse of everything they’d believed in. All those years of faith now seemed wasted, and feeling utterly disillusioned, they walked away from Siddhartha, giving him no chance to explain.

So, when they saw the Buddha approaching, they quickly agreed to ignore him. In their eyes, Siddhartha had abandoned his spiritual quest and lost his way, unworthy of their respect. Little did they know that he had, in fact, attained Nirvana.

But Buddha knew what was in their minds, and in response, he radiated Metta—the boundless loving-kindness that softens even the hardest hearts. As he drew nearer, his presence melted their defenses. Despite their plan to ignore him, they found themselves compelled to welcome him. One took his alms bowl, another prepared a seat, another brought water to drink, another set up a place for him to rest, and the last brought a small pot to wash his feet. 

However, they addressed him as “Friend Gotama,” speaking to him as if he were their equal. (Gotama was Buddha’s family name).

The Five Ascetics greeted Buddha with a friendly, almost teasing tone. “Friend Gotama,” they said, “back in the Uruvelā Forest, we looked after you—we carried your alms bowl, brought water, and kept things clean. After we left, who took care of you? Did you feel lost without us?”

Buddha calmly replied, “Please, do not call me ‘Gotama’ or ‘Friend.’ I have attained Enlightenment and truly seen the Ultimate Truth. I am now an arhat, worthy of your respect. I have realized Deathlessness in Nirvana. Listen closely—I can teach you the way to Nirvana too. If you follow my path, you can experience the peace of enlightenment in this very life.”

The Five Ascetics, however, were doubtful. They replied, “Friend Gotama, even when you pushed yourself to the extreme for six years, you didn’t attain enlightenment. Now that you’ve stepped back and are focusing on simple things like food and comfort, how could you have reached supreme knowledge?”

Wondering why Buddha cared so much about how he was addressed? It’s not that he was hung up on titles—he was an enlightened being, after all, beyond ego or pride. But he understood that if the Five Ascetics continued to see him as “just Gotama,” they’d never take his teachings seriously. Out of compassion, he wanted to adjust their perspective.

Think of it this way: imagine you’re a qualified doctor on a flight, and suddenly there’s a medical emergency. What does the flight attendant do first? They ask if there’s a doctor on board, right? And when you step forward, you don’t hide the fact that you’re a doctor. Why? Because people need to trust that you have the expertise to help.

In the same way, Buddha knew that unless the Five Ascetics saw him as the Buddha he had become, they wouldn’t be open to his teachings. He had to shift their view of him first, so they’d have the faith needed to truly listen and learn.

Likewise, if we regard Buddha as just another wise philosopher from Asia, then we will be restricting our own understanding of Dharma. In our mind, Dharma is just a philosophy. This is why we need to fully understand the significance of what Buddha represents.

So, Buddha responded patiently yet firmly, “I haven’t abandoned meditation, nor am I here seeking offerings. I am truly Enlightened, with clear and direct knowledge of all truths. I’ve realized the Deathless Nibbāna, and I am ready to teach you the Dhamma. If you follow my guidance, you too can experience the joy of enlightenment in this very life.” But despite his words, the Five Ascetics remained doubtful and repeated their skepticism.

Seeing their hesitation, Buddha tried a different approach. He asked, “During all those years of intense asceticism, did I ever come to you claiming I saw special visions or experienced signs to gain your admiration?”

The Five Ascetics thought back and realized something important. “If he’d ever claimed he was enlightened back then, we would have believed him without question. But he never tried to impress or mislead us. And now, he speaks with such confidence.” Their doubt began to dissolve, and with it, they saw Buddha with fresh respect. They understood they had misjudged him, assuming he had strayed from the path.

Finally convinced, they acknowledged, “No, Venerable Buddha, you never spoke to us like that before.”

With their minds open and ready to learn, the Five Ascetics listened to his words intentedly. Under the peaceful full moon of Āsāḷha, Buddha delivered his first teaching, the *Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta*, or “Turning of the Wheel of Dhamma.” 

In that moment, the door toward enlightenment truly opened, once again. 

May all be well and happy.

Discussion

This story of the Buddha and the Five Ascetics is a powerful example of the breakdown of trust and the consequences of unmet expectations. It mirrors situations we often face: we build up hopes for how others should act, invest emotionally in our vision for their journey, and feel deep disappointment when they choose a path that we don’t understand or support. Let’s dive into the various perspectives at play here.

1. The Buddha’s Perspective: Staying True to Himself

From Siddhartha’s point of view, he was on an intensely personal quest for the Ultimate Truth. His initial approach—extreme asceticism—wasn’t working, and he was ready to try a new path that led him toward the Middle Way, balancing self-discipline with compassion for his own body and mind.

Imagine ourselves in his shoes. If our family or treasured companions left, will we stick to what felt right, even if it meant walking alone, or give in to the expectations of those we care about.

Siddhartha’s choice shows us the importance of inner resolve and self-trust. Had he caved under peer pressure, he could have jeopardized his journey to enlightenment, possibly even his life. By remaining true to his vision, he found a way that would not only lead him to enlightenment but would also inspire countless others in the future. This takes tremendous courage, especially in the face of rejection and “cancellation” by those close to us.

2. The Ascetics’ Perspective: Disappointment and Betrayal

For the Five Ascetics, Siddhartha’s actions felt like a profound betrayal. They had invested years of their lives in waiting, and then supporting his quest, believing that his intense practices were the right path. When he changed course, they felt all those years were wasted. From their point of view, it seemed like Siddhartha had turned his back on everything they had stood for together.

Their reaction is relatable. Many of us put our trust and expectations into others—whether it’s friends, partners, children, or colleagues. And when they choose a direction that doesn’t align with our hopes, it can feel deeply disappointing, even invalidating. Like the Ascetics, we might interpret this as a personal loss or as evidence that our support and sacrifices were in vain.

3. Guardianship and the “Parental” Perspective

The Five Ascetics almost had a “guardian” role in relation to Siddhartha. They had been waiting for Siddhartha to become a Buddha since his birth. Almost like fanatic fans, they had kept themselves updated with what was happening in the palace. Imagine their elation when they heard that Siddhartha had become s truth seeker at 29. Then they followed Siddhartha for 6 years, never leaving his side.

Their high expectations were built on their own visions for him—a belief that he was following a “right” path that they fully understood and endorsed. At that time, people believed that extreme ascetic practices was a sure path to the supramundane. When Siddhartha departed from this path, it shattered their sense of purpose in supporting him, as well as their trust.

Parents, teachers, and mentors often face this dilemma. They place high hopes on those they support, but when these individuals grow and start to make choices independently, it can be challenging to adapt. Sometimes, those in guiding roles may unknowingly prioritize their expectations over the other person’s autonomy, leading to disappointment or even estrangement.

For example, some parents believe that the only path to success in life is through higher education, becoming a civil servant, becoming a doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc. And if their child decided to become a musician or professional gamer, it may seem like a betrayal of trust.

4. The Lesson in Letting Go of Expectations

This story also serves as a lesson about the risks of rigid expectations. When we hold onto expectations too tightly, we can become blind to the other person’s growth, needs, or changing path. We may feel that our investment and sacrifices are wasted if they don’t fulfill our vision, but this mindset can also block us from seeing the bigger picture and the positive impact of change.

The Buddha’s decision to pursue the Middle Way ultimately showed the Ascetics that his choice wasn’t a betrayal but a breakthrough. His later teaching helped them find their own paths to enlightenment, which would never have happened had he yielded to their expectations.

5. The Balance Between Personal Growth and Connection with Others

This story also raises the question of how we balance staying true to our own paths while maintaining connections with others. The Buddha’s path was solitary by necessity, but it’s a challenge many face when our choices go against the grain of family, friends, or society. Often, remaining true to oneself can mean risking disapproval or even losing close connections. Yet, as Buddha’s story shows, personal growth can lead to greater good, even if it causes temporary disappointment for those around us.

6. Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Once the Five Ascetics realized that Siddhartha had indeed attained enlightenment, their disappointment turned into deep respect and understanding. This story highlights how, with time and openness, misunderstandings and hurt feelings can be healed.

In our story, Buddha did not let the negativities of the 5 ascetics obscure his loving-kindness and compassion. His main objevtive was to share the good news of Nirvana with people who are most likely to believe and benefit from it.

The ascetics didn’t let pride stand in their way once they recognized the truth, and they were willing to learn from Siddhartha as a teacher. This required humility and courage on their part, showing that reconciliation is possible when both sides are open to seeing each other’s perspectives.

In Summary

This story invites us to think about the nature of expectations, the importance of self-trust, and the complexities of relationships where one person’s growth challenges the beliefs of others. The Buddha’s journey to enlightenment wasn’t derailed by the rejection of his companions; in fact, it was strengthened. And, ultimately, his commitment to his path benefited not only himself but also his five companions and countless others.

In our own lives, we can take inspiration from both the Buddha’s courage to pursue his truth and the Ascetics’ eventual openness to learning. When we let go of rigid expectations, trust others’ journeys, and stay open to reconciliation, we create space for personal growth and healthier, more supportive relationships.

May all be well and happy.