Difficulty in acceptance of death

In a poignant chapter of Buddhist history, King Suddhodana encountered a heart-wrenching setback as his beloved Queen Maya passed away on the 7th day after the birth of Prince Siddhartha. The events that unfolded were puzzling, as Queen Maya’s pregnancy had been uneventful, and the miraculous birth of Prince Siddhartha occurred without complications for both mother and child. The Buddhist scriptures made it clear that her passing was not a result of childbirth but simply the limit of her lifespan.

However, this tragic event left many wondering: why did the mother of Buddha have to die so suddenly, just one week after giving birth, missing the opportunity to watch her precious child grow up? Some people wondered, “Wasn’t Buddha supposed to be blessed, so why did such misfortune befall his family?” All these questions in our minds indicated our reluctance to accept death as a natural phenomenon. Therefore, we strive to find an acceptable reason for a natural occurrence.

In some unfortunate instances, people become blinded by their sense of loss. While trying to find a logical explanation for death, they sometimes arrived at ignorant conclusions. This is especially so when they try to blame someone for their loss. In that manner, a father may blame his newborn child for causing the death of his beloved wife.

Points for discussion

• Discuss how different cultures manage the stress from encountering death
• Is it better or worse to simply accept death as a natural phenomenon?

Religious Solace

According to Buddhist scriptures, all mothers of Buddha die early to be reborn in heaven. Queen Maya, for instance, was reborn in Tushita heaven as a male deity named Santusita. The narrative goes on to explain that Buddha visited Santusita to teach him the dharma later on in time. This story provides comfort, as it suggests Queen Maya went to a better place and was reunited with her son at a later time. Such religious narratives offer solace and reassurance during times of grief, emphasizing the promise of a better existence and eventual reunions.

Many of us will recognise the above narrative as common in many world religions. However, Buddhism is slightly different because we also teach that life in these heavens is not eternal. Even beings in heaven experience impermanence and will be reborn again. Only nirvana or enlightenment is considered eternal and peaceful. This doctrine encourages us to think beyond fantasies of a promised eternal reunion. It reminds us that death and impermanence are inescapable aspects of all existences, whether heavenly or earthly.

Points for discussion

• The belief in a promised existence can bring solace in the face of death, but will it create division and stress for people who are alive. For example, a father may insist that everyone in his family should follow the same faith so that everyone will reunite in the same heaven.

Death is natural and changes, inevitable

The story of Queen Maya’s rebirth serves as a reminder that death can occur at any time, in any way, and to anyone, even the mother of Buddha. Instead of labeling it as untimely or unfair, we can embrace it as a lesson to accept impermanence and the inevitability of change.

What makes this story even more intriguing is the transformation of Queen Maya into a male deity, Deva Santusita. While this concept may be difficult for some to accept, it aligns with the Buddhist perspective that existence is a constant flux where beings evolve according to their karma. Just as water can assume different forms, we can be reborn as different beings too. This challenges the notion of a permanent, unchanging identity and can be terrifying to some people.

If we look at this story light-heartedly and indulge ourselves with a little contemplation, it may lead to new understanding and enlightenment in life.

Point for discussion.

Imagine meeting your loved ones after a period of time to discover that they have changed completely. Will you still love them as before? (Note: this is not a Gay Pride exercise. The changes to be discussed are not limited to gender change or sexual orientation.)

Conclusion

The takeaway from Queen Maya’s story is a deep understanding that death and change are natural and unavoidable phenomena. Blaming an innocent child for his mother’s death or clinging to rigid concepts of identity can only lead to ignorance and suffering. Instead, we should appreciate the preciousness of human life and the sacrifices our mothers made to give us this life. We must also remember the countless women who, even today, face childbirth complications, highlighting the coexistence of birth and death.

In a world where death and life are intertwined, it is not morbidity but appreciation that we should seek. Appreciation for the life we possess, for our mothers who brought us into this world, and for those who nurture and care for us during our early years. Queen Maya’s story teaches us that life is fragile and fleeting, urging us to value and cherish every moment we have.

May all be well and happy.