8 Tips for a happy marriage

By Jamyang Puntsog on February 26, 2020 • ( Leave a comment )

Here’s some tips given by Buddha in the Sigalovada sutta. In our modern world, the role of husband and wife is blurred and not as defined as ancient times. Moreover, we have various types of matrimonial arrangement too, including same sex marriage.

In view of modern development of a Modern Family, I find that the Buddha’s message is still relevant.Simply, mix them in a bowl and apply them equally to all parties in the marriage!

So here’s the 8 tips.

1) Always be courteous to one another.

If we can be thoughtful about our words when we talk to colleagues and strangers, then all the more, we should ensure that our words and actions do not hurt one another. Be considerate towards your house partner in life. Being familiar doesn’t mean taking others for granted. If you have to fart, get our of the bedroom?

2) Always be grateful and do not despise one another.

There is not much good from despise. Be contented and accepting of our partner. Do not compare them with others. Focusing on the lacks, is a sign of craving and non contentment in our mind. So what if someone else’s husband bought her a diamond ring for their anniversary. So what if the husband of your friend does all the dishes. If we want a relationship to last, we have to avoid despising.When we have aversion in our mind, relationship cracks.

3) Always be true and faithful towards one another.

A promise made is only as good as gold if we keep it. If the underlying understanding is to be monogamous, then we have to keep that commitment. If you are in an open relationship and the understanding is to practice safe sex, then make sure we keep ourselves safe.

4) Always respect each other’s opinion and decisions about household management.

The basic rule of thumb is not to be bossy. If your partner is responsible for the laundry, do not dictate how they do their work. Likewise for any other household chores such as cooking, and doing the dishes. It doesn’t matter how your mother used to do it. Your partner is not your mother!

If you are well off and employs domestic helpers, this includes managing the staff in the house. If your partner is in charge of their performance appraisal, for goodness sake, do not undermine their authority.

Respecting each other’s authority also extend to our human kids or furry ones.

5) Always provide gifts (including adornments) at appropriate times.

Gifts need not be expensive. Small little gesture and things in life shows that we care and wish them to be happy. Do not judge whether there is any value in it. If they enjoy collecting mugs or fridge magnets, respect their interest. Go shopping together and offer to pay for them. Spend according to what you can afford.

6) Always do our duties well and wholeheartedly.

If we are the sole breadwinner, do our job well. At home, perform our share of household chores responsibly. If we are responsible for taking the trash out, make sure we do it promptly. If we have to replace a bulb at home, get it done immediately. Just as we need teamwork in the office, teamwork is required at home too.

The mantra that keeps the house spick and span is DILIGENCE.

7) Always respect the relatives, families and friends of your partner.

We do not have to like them as much as our partner. Sometimes, we just cannot click with certain people. However, be civil, courteous and thoughtful. Hostility towards them will only put our partner in an awkward position. Most people (straight or gay) have the karma of a nightmare in-laws. Hope you find comfort in this assurance.

8) Guard the household wealth.

The welfare and situations in the home depends on money and savings too. If we do not know how to save money and only squander it, we will only be courting financial disaster. Live within our means and learn contentment in life. A cup of hot chocolate together on the porch or balcony can be more blissful than a glass of expensive wine in a Michelin Star Restaurant, if we know contentment in our mind.

This article is inspired by the Sigalovada sutta and I hope you like it.

May all be well and happy.