The rise of a new Queen

The abrupt demise of Queen Maya weighed heavily on King Suddhodana’s mind. Simultaneously, the prophecy foretelling Prince Siddhartha’s future renunciation added to his anxiety. As the leader of a warrior clan, King Suddhodana refused to passively accept fate. Fueled by a warrior spirit, he resolved to resist destiny and prevent Prince Siddhartha from embracing a religious life. To achieve this, he was determined to ensure Siddhartha’s life was exceedingly comfortable and enticing.

The initial challenge involved providing young Siddhartha with a mother figure who would genuinely love and care for him. The ideal candidate for this role was Consort Pajapati, the biological sister of Queen Maya. Having pledged to her elder sister that she would look after Prince Siddhartha, Pajapati became a crucial figure in King Suddhodana’s plan. Recognizing her importance, he elevated Pajapati’s status by, making her a Queen.

Points for discussion

Do you agree with King Suddhodana that a young child needs a mother figure in his/her life?

How did two sisters married the same man at the same time?

Delving into historical intricacies, one may wonder about the peculiar circumstance of two sisters sharing a common husband, prompting questions about King Suddhodana’s character. Given the royal lineage of both sisters and their elevated social status, the notion of sharing a husband, especially a sister’s husband, may appear disagreeable and even distasteful to some.

To comprehend this arrangement, it is essential to explore the political dynamics of ancient times. During that era, the Sakyans and Koliyans were neighboring countries situated at the foothills of the Himalayas. It was common for smaller nations to form alliances through matrimonial ties, fostering better relations among citizens and enhancing collective defenses against potential invaders. In this situation, King Suddhodana a figurehead of the Shakyan marrying a Koliyan princess (Maya) would fulfil this political objective.

Therefore, Queen Maya’s marriage to King Suddhodana likely had political motivations due to the geopolitical landscape of the time. However, this does not imply the absence of love in their arranged union. However, Queen Maya’s prolonged barrenness would probably have created some resentment within the Shakyan nobles. Therefore, some believed that Pajapati was given in marriage to King Suddhodana as a gesture to appease the resentful Shakya.

Interestingly, Pajapati did not have children with King Suddhodana until Queen Maya conceived Prince Siddhartha. Gossip hinted at Pajapati’s close relationship with her sister, Queen Maya, suggesting that she intentionally avoided having children to prevent any challenge to Queen Maya’s status in the royal court.

Another possible reason for Pajapati’s prolonged barrenness could simply be her discontent over being “gifted” to her sister’s husband as a replacement product! However, the lack of concrete evidence, such as secret diaries, leaves the truth hidden, and we can only speculate about the emotions and motivations of these ancient figures.

Points for discussion

• Discuss the woeful state of a woman’s status in ancient times, whereby they were being treated as “property” of a family or clan. Do you think Buddhism will agree with such cultural beliefs or social practices?

The love of a step mother

Irrespective of the motivations or reason for the prolonged barrenness, Pajapati gave birth to Prince Nanda shortly after the arrival of Prince Siddhartha. According to the Dakkhiṇāvibhaṅga Sutta, Pajapati took on the role of breastfeeding Prince Siddhartha, while the care of Prince Nanda was entrusted to nursemaids.

Consequently, Prince Siddhartha was nurtured and looked after by his stepmother/aunt, Pajapati. Her deep care and affection for Siddhartha were evident as he did not suffer from the loss of Queen Maya, and Pajapati’s love for him remained unwavering throughout her life. Notably, she personally sewed monastic robes for the Buddha when she was advanced in age.

In our previous discussion, we explored the significance of our biological mothers. However, some individuals, akin to Prince Siddhartha, may find themselves growing up under the guidance of step-parents, foster parents, or guardians. It is equally essential to acknowledge and appreciate their kindness and care in equal measure.

Point for discussion.

In the Sigalovada sutta, Buddha taught: “Having cared for me, I shall now care for them.” This teaching refers to filial piety and we note that Buddha did not specifically limit it to biological parents.

Occasionally, there is news about biological parents abusing their children. On the other hand, there is also news about people providing care and love to children who are unrelated to them.

So what are the defining criteria for a person to be considered deserving of our filial piety?

Conclusion

As we reflect on these historical episodes, it becomes evident that family structures can take various forms, and family dynamics can be as complicated as the plot of a politically themed drama series.

Individuals, like Prince Siddhartha, may find themselves under the care of step-parents, foster parents, or guardians. Whereas, some may find themselves being betrayed or used by their family just like Pajapati.

This narrative encourages us to appreciate and recognize the kindness and care provided by those who play vital roles in our upbringing, regardless of the conventional norms that may surround family dynamics.

On the other hand, we are reminded not to be too hasty in judging other people’s relationships with their families. It might simply be too complicated.

In doing so, we gain a richer understanding of the diverse expressions of love and nurturing that contribute to the fabric of our human experience.

May all be well and happy.